This may surprise you, but I like comics. And I like movies made about comic superheroes. It’s a guilty pleasure of mine, and an endearing quirk, kind of like that brilliant professor you had in college that you were so sure was above everything, but then you found out he was into posing My Little Ponies in scenes from Merchant Ivory films, and you respected him that much more.

So, when I see all the movies being adapted from comics using the impressive technology available, my heart lets out a little happy (but entirely hardcore and heterosexual) squeal. My favorite superhero, Spider-Man got the treatment recently to thunderous applause from me. Sam Raimi, Danny Elfman, Tobey Maguire – oh heaven, thy name is Sony Pictures’ executive in charge of greenlighting that movie. And now Hellboy? What else is there to say but “Fucking sweet!”

But, it’s hit or miss, isn’t it? The Hulk failed even with Jennifer Connolly and Ang Lee. Daredevil managed to have every character more interesting than the lead. Hell, I might even be interested in the (hopefully) ultra-violent Punisher movie, if they wouldn’t play the most horribly whiny, angst-instead-of-anger, lame-ass, white boy, power ballad during the trailer.

Yes, the Punisher is entirely broken down by the tragedy of losing his family, but that trailer should be hitting us with Samuel L. Jackson meets Led Zeppelin force, the kind of energy Brnadon Lee and The Cure somehow milked from that sad-turns-mad scene from The Crow. Pure wrath, no remorse.

Did anyone on that project read the comic books? Dude simply lives to murder wrong-doers now. He doesn’t get all weepy about it, he just destroys asses, like the dildo that bears his name. The PUNISHER.

Ah well. I get a face full of Hellboy this weekend, and that’s enough for me.