–originally authored 8 October, 2008 —

People always ask me, “How did the show go?” I have performed now as an actor in fewer than ten shows, so maybe that answer becomes easier. That or the response should be a simple, canned “Good, thanks.” That’s never been my way, but I could learn to make small talk if the need arose.

So, how did the show go? Good, thanks. If you’re someone who wants to burrow into my brain a little deeper than that and who fears not the tedious and sometimes maudlin re-treading of my superiority/ inferiority complex, then venture past the link, thou intrepid soul.

I still don’t know what motivates me to audition just yet. It sort of strikes me like inspiration and then I obsess until I find a show for which I would like to audition. I am not a huge fan of Peanuts, necessarily, but since the theater is nearby and the show seemed like something I could get behind, I made sure to make myself available. As usual, I tried to talk myself out of it on the day of auditions, only to force myself to go with a brutal, football-coach pep/ scare talk.

At auditions for You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown, there was the vast talent differential, as always: a few people who could be described as “competition,” a few people who were energetic but lacking a certain quality, and one unfortunate young first-timer who felt overwhelmed by the first of these and never properly opened up to the process.

I won the lead. I peaked early. By the time we were actually performing, I was having real trouble managing the character voice with the somewhat high-range solos. My (very loyal) friends showed their support and complimented me. The cast drank and reminisced. The show was washed from my memory by cascades of life issues that consumed that time. And I added it to my list of lead roles. Shortly thereafter, I had a new audition and the cycle was renewed. Those are the facts.

Some shows just don’t stick, I guess. I made some friends and we even partied once or twice after all was said and done. A part of me was happy, but something changed in me over the course of that show. And it is yet to be determined whether it will be for the better.

So, how did it go? I guess I’m not sure.