I had an audition with the artistic director of the Boulevard Theater in Bayview this past weekend. Because I am currently engaged in both my day job and that production of Carousel that I have been selling for the last couple of months, I really did not think I would have time to prep anything for the fellow, but he assured me over the phone that I should still take some time to come in and talk. After all, he repeated, this is an audition for the theater as much as it is for me. I liked that attitude and it certainly seemed to be more than lip service to that sort of ideal.

I sang a bit of the Soliloquy from Carousel for him, after we chatted for a few minutes. He was not forthcoming with specific feedback, not surprisingly; it is probably unbecoming of directors to be so. But he did ask me a question (one question?) for which I was not fully prepared. It was something along the lines of “Where are you going with this acting thing?”

I stammered out something about not really seeing myself as a lead actor necessarily, though I get those roles in community theater because they are often spare of tall men with a strong voice. Still, I don’t know why I said that. Truthfully, I am happy in any role, but I do somewhat see myself as a lead actor. Not only do I think I have the necessary presence, but gauging from what I have seen I also have the leadership that might be missing from some productions.

Granted, it is not an actor’s role within a production to make decisions for other actors — and indeed that sort of attitude would actually be a check mark against one — but some people I have met in just my few shows have had such poor work ethics, I think I could lead by example. I have a good reputation for being reliable, responsible and dependable. Those are not traits always immediately associated with actors.

By that same token, while I am confident in my ability, I also believe that a competent actor makes any role important. I believe every role has some meat to it and that a strong actor in a smaller role can elevate a production. And I think I can be that actor.

But, what do I want out of this? How would I gauge success? That is a slippery fish to hang on to. I have surpassed a few of my original goals:

– Audition for a show
– Fight direct / fight in shows outside of the Madrigal Feaste
– Intern at an SAFD workshop
– Work at least two shows a year
– Win a lead role
– Work with talented people of character
– Build a good reputation wherever I work
– Get work in theaters in Milwaukee

In the future, I would count several things as signs of my success:

– Read a positive review from a reknowned, relatively objective source
– Disappear entirely into a role, where I no longer hear my own “notes” in my head
– Move an audience to catharsis, tears and/or thoughtful discussion
– Appear on the Conan O’Brien show
– Be paid a livable wage
– Work with talented people of character (happens all the time, but it is a continuous goal)
– Find my imdb page
– Give an interview based around my achievements, not just promotion
– Hear someone who has never met me say “I love your work” (this has happened to some extent; mainly “I love your voice,” for which I can only take partial credit)
– Receive a call for work based on past performance or recommendation (this has happened to some extent) or being told that I need not “audition” for a role, simply come in and read for it

Would any or all of these mean I “made it?” I do not know. I am fairly critical of myself and my achievements, to the point of projecting that doubt onto other people who have been nothing but supportive (you know who you are; I am sorry and thank you). Maybe my dissatisfaction will amount to drive. Wouldn’t that be something?