Whence this doubt?
So, Tuesday’s rehearsal went by without major incident. We were practicing music, our Julie and me attempting to open emotionally in the music. My voice seemed all right, though not at 100%. But man, I could barely keep my breath consistent. Granted, I had not warmed up as much as I normally do, but there was some other obstacle I could feel keeping me from doing my best.
I think my voice works solely at my level of confidence. When I feel secure in my ability, it’s strong and, while not Broadway caliber, certainly passable for musical theater. That night, it reflected my self-doubt clearly. And this character has no such doubts, so the more I feel like I can’t perform up to snuff, the less I’m convincing in the role, and the more doubt I have, the worse I perform.
As a result, I can understand what it means to have a batting slump. But how to break the cycle? How does one feel confident, particularly early in the rehearsal cycle when the music still needs to be learned? It is at once the easiest and most difficult thing a person can do. That is: when it works, it’s such a pleasure it hardly seems like work, but when it doesn’t, it’s grueling and taxing.
Maybe I’m just coming to this realization late. It seems pretty obvious now that I’ve typed it all out. Anyway, I plan to suck it up and make it work, but for now I need to be prepared to be disappointed in myself, and have others disappointed in me. That sort of thing is just natural.
Disappointment in oneself is a tremendous motivator if it doesn’t break you.
I agree: a good performance comes from a high level of confidence. When you start to self doubt, your performance goes down the drain. I never felt confident on stage, or even presenting at a conference, unless I knew my material hands down, backwards and forwards.
This is why its called rehearsal. Its the time to screw up and get all the willies out. You’ve been there. You can do it again.
Break a vocal chord, friend. I believe in ya!
Comment by loricious — 3/21/2008 @ 8:53 am
Thanks, Loricious.
Thursday’s rehearsal was exactly the opposite of Tuesday. Full voice, good tone, good breath, strong performance. I have a lot of faith that our show is going to be remarkable. That may be the cause of the extra stress; it relies heavily on me to make it so.
So, I will.
Comment by steelbuddha — 3/21/2008 @ 9:55 am
When in doubt, close your eyes and think of Hugh. :)
(Or apply the Discordian maxim: When in doubt, f*** it. When not in doubt . . . get in doubt!)
Comment by george — 3/22/2008 @ 3:38 pm