I attempted to write this into a funny story, but I find the screenplay version to be so compelling as to render any retelling feeble. So, I now present The Weirdness of my Workplace – Part One.

INT. OFFICE
[An over-designed cubicle seen from the entrance. A man’s back is silhouetted against the glow of a computer screen. From off-camera someone speaks.]

Voice of TM: Hey buddy, what’s happening?

Man at Computer (SB): (closes tab of non-work related item and hurriedly removes ear buds) Hello? Oh hey, nothing much. How are you doing?

TM: Fine, fine. Listen, what size shoe do you wear?

SB: Um.

TM: I know it’s a weird question.

SB: 12-13, depending on the shoe, I guess.

TM: Cool. Can I borrow your shoes?

[cut to SB’s face. Voice-over of internal monologue.]

SB (voiceover): Why does he want to borrow my shoes? Is this some kind of prank? Maybe he needs them for a photo shoot or something. But this guy is known for having lots of different cool pairs of shoes; why does he want my cheap-ass skate shoes? I really don’t mind lending them to him, but my feet have been pretty sweaty lately. But we know each other pretty well. Jesus, what do I say?

SB: Sure, I guess. (looks at TM’s feet)

[cut to TM’s feet. He is wearig only dark socks. Cut back to conversation.]

SB: Why don’t you have any shoes?

TM: I loaned them to JV.

SB: Oh. (pause) Why… exactly did you do that?

TM: Well, I wasn’t going to need mine.

SB: Ah. And why did he?

TM: He tore the soles of his this morning and considering the weather, he needed to have shoes to go get some replacements. My plans to run errands were cancelled, so I let him borrow mine.

SB: So, then… why do you need shoes?

TM: Turns out the weather is looking a little better, and my plans are back on.

SB: Oh, OK. Well, I hope they fit.

TM: Yep, thanks!

[JR’s head pops up over the cubicle wall.]

JR: Seems like a pretty flimsy excuse to support your shoe fetish, man.

[Cut to black. TITLES: The Weirdness of my Workplace.]