So, there’s this guy. He works at my company and he’s well-liked by many people whom I have come to respect. I am baffled by this, but I cannot deny it. They believe him to be congenial, well-mannered, and — most astonishingly — competent.

I do not feel the same way. Allow me to elaborate. It will make me feel better.

I have not had much in the way of confidence in my company lately. My principles are not shared by the direction the company is taking, particularly in whom they choose to invest their support. I have made no illusions about this. But, what squabbles I have had with specific people have blown over in the fullness of time. I am pleased to work with some people who I at one time despised. Such is my personality, I suppose.

But this fellow…

He is very like our president in some ways. There are people who seem blind to his flaws and who find him genuinely charming. When he smiles, they see warmth and not a sort of dull panic that any moment the game will truly be up.

When I have dealt with this fellow, I have made every effort to lead by example. When an inane instruction is given, I clarify with a thorough but succinct outline of what needs to be done, the complications involved and the reason behind the choices. Some time later, presumably after a great deal of contemplation, I am met with one of three responses:

1. A near word-for-word repitition of one of the clearer points I have made, neglecting the rest of the outline.
2. Another more vaguely worded instruction on the same point.
3. Blank confusion and that recognizable glimmer of fear.

My lingering Christian pathos, my personal work ethic, my instincts as a coach, and the lessons of so many after-school specials tell me I should be humble. They say that I must learn to work with this man; there is no room for hostility if a project is to be successful. Our communication is just ineffective, and I should try to form a clear channel.

But the part of me that has made the most progress in my life, the realistic side, disagrees. Why should someone I do not respect benefit from my late nights’ labors? I have struggled nearly six years to be noticed without having to be self-aggrandizing, yet this man in less than a year seemingly has earned more respect than me.

Simple jealousy? Perhaps. I have tried several approaches in my company to make my work (which, even in modesty, is often excellent) more accessible and noticed by those who could translate that into compensation, monetary or otherwise. I am, however, not willing to become someone who is all appearance and no substance, as many successful people seem to be. And I cannot brook compensated incompetence in any form. While this may seem envy, due to my strident tone, I promise you there is more confusion than jealousy. Why should one person who has not yet proven their worth succeed while others who are loyal, diligent and truly warm receive their notice*?

Quitting, while satisfying in the moment, is no solution; I have seen this infection everywhere. Maybe it is time I give in and start laughing at the boss’ jokes.

I was wrong. I feel worse.

* – On a related, but uncommented topic: Another person received a very raw deal and I am incensed that the powers-that-be would treat a trusted and hard-working employee in such a fashion, particularly when there is fat to be cut elsewhere.