This is a conversation from Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, one I’d like to have with some of my clients. I have no will to create, only to spew forth pre-manufactured genius from my Xerox machine of a brain.

Nick the Greek: What else does it come with?

Tom: It comes with a gold-plated Rolls Royce, as long as you pay for it.

Nick the Greek: I thought it included the amp.

Tom: It doesn’t include the amp. It doesn’t include the speakers. And it’s not supposed to include me getting the hump with your questions. You want it, Nick, you buy it.

Nick the Greek: Dunno. Seems expensive.

Tom: Seems? Well, this seems to be a waste of my time. That, my friend, is 900 nicker in any store you’re lucky enough to find one in. And you’re haggling over 200 pound? What school of finance did you come from Nick? “It’s a deal, it’s a steal, it’s Sale of the fucking Century!” In fact, fuck it Nick. I think I’ll keep it!

Nick the Greek: Alright alright, keep your Alans on!

[Peels off notes from his wad]

Nick the Greek: Here’s a ton.

Tom, Eddie: Jesus Christ!

Eddie: You could choke a dozen donkeys on that! And you’re haggling over one hundred pound? What do you do when you’re not buying stereos Nick? Finance revolutions?

Nick the Greek: 100 pound is still 100 pound.

Tom: Not when the price is 200 pound it’s not. And certainly not when you’ve got Liberia’s deficit in your skyrocket. Tighter than a duck’s butt you are. Now, let me feel the fibre of your fabric.