Lunch with Czeltic Girl is always worth fudging on my diet. Today we patronized the round-the-corner called The Wicked Hop. We did this because their food is quite good, but also because it was raining hard enough to turn the fog around our building an eerie, mood-building turquoise.

As we waited for our overly large meals to arrive, conversation turned to the nationally televised…competition…of climbing a pole, apparently. Yep, Speed Climbing. There’s a four-time champion, you know. As happens on these occasions, snarking ensued.

CG: I’m guessing that this ‘sport’ began with the phrase “Guys, check out what I can do.”
SB: And not, “Look what I’ve learned over the past fortnight.”
CG: No. No “fortnight.” And no “Watch what I learned while finishing my Master’s.”

Later we realized that it was ESPN2 reporting from the Lumberjack games; this did not decrease the snarking, as you may imagine.

Next event: Men’s Endurance. “Please let that not be what I think it is,” prayed the Czelt, and I wholly agreed. Fortunately, it was not. Instead, large men stood atop short, thick logs SWINGING AN AXE BETWEEN THEIR LEGS INTO THE STUMP.

SB: I think that’s exactly the way they told us NOT to do it in Boy Scouts.
CG: I see they’re televising MENSA meetings now.

Apparently, the Lumberjack Games idea of Men’s Endurance is three different kinds of wood chopping, which CG and I agreed is decidedly not a sport and therefore should not be covered by ESPN.

CG: They should change this event. These guys should just have to take on a real lumberjack in a fight.
SB: Or maybe the zombie of Oliver Reed*. You thought he was tough when he was alive.

* Initially, I phrased this as Oliver Reed’s zombie, which implies that the competitors would take on a zombie owned by Oliver Reed. I’m not denying the possibility that Oliver Reed was some sort of necromancer and had zombies, only that’s not what I meant.