I’ve been struggling with this argument between my two Piscean halves for the last few months. Is my time more at a premium now because I am attached to a woman? I seemed to get very busy right when things finally worked out between Clare and me, but many of my male friends assume that I am just a casualty of love.

I honestly don’t think that’s it, and even if I had some sort of feeling that they were right, I certainly would fight against the notion that I’m some sort of statistic. I am not so predictable or simple as to be classified that way. I have a very similar life as before, only now I’m not desperate for company, and Clare actually kicks me in the ass and makes me handle responsibilities that I sometimes let sit.

A couple of friends in Kenosha are the biggest culprits, though they tread on eggshells since I threatened to visit less the more guilt they laid on me. It’s an honest threat; I hardly ever visit my mother. I did not want to pressure them or make myself seem that important, but there it is. I know myself well enough to warn them.

This being my first long-standing relationship, I really have to crash course myself into proper behaviours, but Clare and I are so weird. Truly, we have similar problems to those outlined in the boyfriend/girlfriend handbook. We fight over stupid things fairly often, usually because of my stupidity or oversensitivity. Still, I don’t feel we’re “like that” whenever someone goes on about how men and women are different when they’re in a relationship.

Clare demands essentially nothing of me, or at least my natural tendencies already provide most of her needs. I am as free as I ever was, and happier because I finally got my shit together. I simply don’t waste my time with driving to Kenosha to watch wrestling anymore. That interested me when every night was spent in front of the computer alone and desperate for my next media fix. But now, those encounters can be fewer and further between. Hell, I need to conserve gas now.

So. Is that the way you change? You become less desperate and your friends suffer in the wake of decreased demand for their time? Maybe that’s just me. But if it is, then I am certainly not lumped into the whipped crowd.

I would act this way when the “next big thing” came along, as well. Ask any of my long-term friends what happens when they are far away. I move to the next best friend, even if I haven’t met them yet. Unfair, maybe, but not a lot of my friends are willing to make the time and energy sacrifices that they expect me to in order to keep geography from eroding the friendship.

Yet another diary entry on my blog. I didn’t follow Herwig’s advice very well.