I’m enjoying having a laptop and a bigger machine. Technology is finally to the point where I can hoard my data and still have access to it from anywhere. I wonder sometimes whether it has made my mind clearer, the way that I justify that it does.

Theater RED is now being invited to events like the Milwaukee Generals, and Marquette’s monologue showcase. I haven’t learned how to appreciate them properly, as I’m still suffering from extreme social anxiety — an utterly new concept to me, at least to be aware of that part of myself — but I’m enjoying seeing where other people are in their artistic journeys, both those with more experience than me and those with less. It makes me think that maybe teaching would allow me to learn even more about how not to compare. Comparison is definitely what leads me down dark paths.

I like being thought of as an authority on so many matters. I try to wield that power honorably. I want to learn to be more open to the expression of other “trees,” as it were. I acknowledge the strengths and weaknesses in people as simply different than my own, but I have to start seeing things as less task-oriented.

Sincerely, I have been looking into which people I would think of as being affected by my choices. It’s hard to see past the one obvious choice of my wife, which can sometimes make me feel isolated. It is my own hesitation and aloofness that have left me in this position. I hide when I’m hurt, and I guess the wound has not closed yet. Now I am not the only one picking at it, either.

I’d like to smile again without it feeling wry. I have chosen a path that I think will get me there.