Someone, somewhere, was paid to write, rehearse and perform this “song.”

They typed up the lyrics and put it in front of the vocalist, who as vocalists must, scoured the song for climax. Then, slowly, he knew the strains where he would project emotion, driving home the message of the song. Perhaps he thought of American soldiers fighting in the steamy jungles of Vietnam as through gritted teeth he sang “Knee deep in the mocha.”

Later, as they layered effects, sweating in the production room of a studio, the backup singer said, “I’m going to add a simple “ooo, ooo” vocal solo here, but we can just have it as an echo after the call-and-answer ‘Remember’ section at the end of the third chorus.” That much thought had to go into this.

And then Survivor came in to help the producer give authenticity to the remake, putting the tracks through different filters and samplers, and *Survivor* said, “No, we’re not going to work on this.”

Later, an emcee would weep silently in a men’s room stall when his cries for dancing went unheeded.

I hope you’re happy, Starbucks.

Slapnose: Jefferson Starbucks