People to whom I owe apologies and who will likely never be as close to me as they once were (in no particular order):

Don’t read ’em*; I’m just purging.

* – Well, if you want. They’re not funny and might not be interesting.**

** – scratch that: they are entirely tedious.

Ryan – We were on the verge of being close friends, I think, when I didn’t call you about sharing that place and suddenly up and moved to Milwaukee. Things were quite a whirlwind then, and I still do not know why I did not call and tell you. I know you are over it and you are just giving me shit occasionally, but I feel like I missed out on being close friends with someone for whom I have a lot of respect. Congratulations on all the big things happening for you right now.

Dan – If I were more willing to talk on the phone, the distance might not get in the way. I’ve slighted you occasionally, but even through my attitude, I hold you in the highest regard. I miss our daily conversations, impromptu DC sessions, working together on stories and students, and even the most frustrating arguments about minutiae (Will-dee, my ass). Thanks for your help through one of my darkest times.

Dave – I am sorry that right as you were getting used to having me around, my life went in a radical and unexpected direction that I am still adjusting to. I miss trading jibes with you. Your honesty and steadfastness has earned you that “S,” no matter what I say.

Amber, my first girlfriend – I could not have known that you once had a very bad experience with men; I am sorry for being too immature to realize that telling me was too difficult, despite your comfort level with me. I am also sorry for being such a sex-crazed monster after we had been apart and you had been with other men. I thought it was my passivity that kept us from being intimate and I went overboard, such was my desire for you, and my youthful lack of self-control. For what it is worth, I really did love you entirely. Still do, in my way.

Jake – I will never forgive myself, even though you will never remember what happened. Even now, that moment haunts and defines me.

Kregg – I cannot apologize for our strife. Even though we are both to blame, our entire friendship was tainted by your seeming inability to admit any fault on your part. Although I regret (often) that I was not a better friend to you and did not push you into talking your misery out with me, my apology would only continue a tradition of near-subservience on my part that I have long since abandoned. I was wrong. Despite your pain, you were wrong. Someday, maybe soon, we can shake hands and be the brothers we always had been. But we cannot until we just decide to leave that unfortunate incident in the past. And with so many years between, would we even want to?

Mike – Through some serious life-changing, I have realized that although we are old friends, we have less in common than we did. Our lives are not so different that we cannot be friends, though, and I should be better to you, especially considering the honor of being your best man. I’ll work on it.

Jess V. – Whether or not Milwaukee was for you, I feel a little responsible for making your life here uncomfortable. For me, life metamorphosed so rapidly and irrevocably that month that you moved here. As much as I confided in you, there was much that I could not. I should have tried to make our house a more welcoming place to live. And yes, I know you have said you are all right with it, and I apologize for not really believing you.

Melanie – Well, I was just shitty to you. I am glad you found a guy who isn’t. Thanks for being a permanent resident in my memories.

If anyone else thinks they have earned an apology, just let me know. I am in a forgiving mood. But then again, I am just as likely to tell you to piss off.

And no, this is not part of some twelve-step thing.