I don’t know anyone named Troy. But I’ve seen a lot of movies and it seems like all dudes named Troy are jerks. Anyone got a defense of men named Troy?

Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly, because you tread on my dreams.

— William Butler Yeats

I want to say that I knew this poem, that I passed across it in my years as an English Literature major. But actually, I got it from Equilibrium and I remember it mostly because Boromir said it. Well-referenced is the new well-read.

I have a cleaning service.

Those among you who know me, know that I am by no means a man of means. I, too, assume someone with a cleaning service is someone wealthy, or at least someone important who hasn’t time to be bothered with such minutiae of house cleaning. But why should this be the case? Why should only those people who have wealth (and therefore time) be allowed the convenience of a maid?

I am not the first to think tis, obviously. I have a full-time job, several freelance jobs at once, a teaching job at the local university, and a personality that requires downtime. When I came to the realization that a service should save me some time and energy, I also realized there was an affordable company aimed at just that audience. So, I hired the service.

Strangely, though, instead of simply leaving my home in their capable hands, I find myself scarmbling to tidy and clean the house before their arrival. So, I pay for a bimonthly cleaning service, then clean the house in anticipation of their arrival. Why? Is it because I am embarrassed that I use their service? Partially. But I think there’s also a bizarre sense of courtesy. I don’t want their job to be difficult. I just don’t want to do it myself. Regardless, the dirty underwear is off the floor, the dishes are done, and the flat surfaces in the house are clear of sundry items.

I’d like to believe that I’m doing it for this courtesy in the majority, but I think it is equal share embarrassment, courtesy, and guilt. I feel guilty that I’ve hired the service. I try to hide it from people. But I hired them to relieve me of the hours of work necessary to properly sanitize my house. They are affordable, they are quick and they allow me to do more important things like finish MHG’s online store or write diary-like LiveJournally things on my website (actually I’m writing this at work.) Why should I feel guilty?

I guess I’ll try not to in the future, but in all likelihood, the night before will continue to be a whirldwind of dust bunnies and old bank slips.

Someone said to me, about Jenna Jameson, “She’s really smart!” The tone of voice used was one of incredulity, of surprise. And while I’m still too much of a social pussy to have snapped back with a witty comment, my brain did stammer a bit at the clear obliviousness of that statement.

Laying aside the attempt to legitimize a forbidden love of the porn star (wholly unnecessary), this is among the most ignorant things anyone has ever said. While there are far worse prejudices in the world, I have to laugh when I hear people assuming that anyone in the entertainment industry possesses certain qualities or lacks certain others. A star is not more worldly or more classy or more politically aware than another person merely by their accumulation of fame. What comes with that kind of fame is money and easier access to vice.

A porn star who has made herself into an international celebrity is probably at least mildly smart. Is it still likely, according to psychology, that she had a certain upbringing or background? Yes, it’s likely. But that background doesn’t necessarily squash intelligence. In fact, if she had to deal with a sexual predator or abuser of some kind, she must have developed extraordinary survival and coping skills, which can translate into a canny business sense rather easily. Is it more shocking that one porn star is savvy, or that so many are not?

Related to this problem of prejudice is another that irks me. Perhaps it is just my friends, or the way that I am perceived by my friends, but I’ve noted a certain reluctance toward taking my opinion over others. For example, just recently a few friends of mine, whom I have known for years, have started using an online voice chat system while playing City of Heroes. They seem somewhat enamoured of it and no doubt are reveling in the techie joys that come with such a system. I had suggested that we use a similar device over a year ago. In fact, I promoted a few different options, invested in a headset and researched different software. Despite this, it was no doubt one of their faceless online “friends” that got them to convert.

For reasons unknown, my opinion, though reserved for the occasions when I truly believe that it will hold interest to my friends, is considered sort of…well, worthless, if my self-doubt isn’t dramatizing the situation. Yet, the opinion of someone who could very well be a completely uneducated, pompous and immature 10-year-old is far more valuable. Someone who would not make the sacrifices I have already made and would make again in the name of friendship.

I’ve found the same dubious situation recurring in my life amongst these friends. Even subjects on which I have developed a refined taste over many years are considered the exclusive realm of people whom they hardly know. The most obvious example is that of role-playing games. Over the last 16 years, I’ve played my share of games, attended conventions, won awards, written articles and been published and certainly become a veteran. More importantly, I have not let my hobby dominate my life. I am still a socially well-adjusted and in fact, desirable personality.

Yet. Time and time again, my opinion is placed beneath those of the “higher-ups” at a convention like GenCon, my judgment of character laid aside in favor of those persons’ placement in the ranks of geekery. And with one exception, those have proven to be the rantings of fanatical gamers and not well-formed opinions after all.

Do I give up? I have, before. Then, some brilliant thing comes along. I can’t help but introduce these friends to it. And ten months later, when someone else, someone who they do not know but has more time to dedicate to these hobbies since they leave other important life pursuits behind, mentions it with similar fervor, then…only then is it finally appreciated. And the credit goes to the nameless person who they won’t even remember next year.

Call me an elitist or a glory-hound. I suppose I share at least some of those qualities with the worst types of people. But, to me it seems a matter of trust and a matter of respect. They do not trust me. They do not respect me. And that is a hard place to be. Certainly harder than it should be among friends.

I met her as Kween Schwa, the St. Norbert’s College homecoming queen nominee from BIG (the frat independent group with which I had become affiliated through constant contact with its members). But almost everyone else knew her as Kat, an endearing and beautiful woman with a smile that could knock you over and a personality as warm as a shaft of sunlight on your floor.

A year or two after everything had quieted down with BIG (for me) she married Jamie, a roguish-seeming friend-of-a-friend. They both knew me only peripherally, having spoken with me during parties or brief pre-show antics. Yet each time I would talk to either of them, there was this genuine feeling of welcome and comraderie that has stuck with me. My good friends from BIG talk of them with great admiration, and I get a sense of why.

Then, today, as I sat home poring over code, nursing a sore neck, and generally feeling run-down, I got an email from a friend. Just a simple “In case you didn’t know…” sort of thing. Call me a softy, but the nostalgia of those two people came a-rushing back.

After listening to her music, however, I’m hit with an even deeper sense of appreciation. Kat seemed down-to-earth when you’d talk to her, but right beneath the conversation level, you could feel that Kat always had something to say. Her music certainly feels that way. Give it a listen. Girl’s got pipes.

Kat Downs : official website

I know it’s chopped up, but anyone who saw that first presidential debate knows it looked pretty much like this on the President’s end. Just a reminder of who is in charge.

No doubt that he’s passionate, but even if he were promoting all of my ideals, I would not vote for this man to be the leader of the free world. It takes more than conviction, more than passion, more than charisma. Call me an elitist, but I expect the President of this country to fare better in a debate than the people I defeated during my brief stint on my high school team. He must always remain in control under pressure. He cannot have an “off-day,” and certainly not one of this magnitude on live television. That’s what I expect.

GRR! How did this happen?

How Bush did. [.mov]

it hasn’t happened yet
(more…)

I LARPed once. It didn’t take. But I might take it up again, if I get these spells.

McSweeney’s Internet Tendency: Live-Action Role-Playing Spells I Could Really Use, Right Now.

This is comforting news after the “Behind Blue Eyes” debacle. Mitch Hedberg beats the pope.

BW: Not surprising, really. Can Catholics even use the internet?
SB: They have to use the rhythm method search page.
BW: That thing never works.
SB: I know. Hit “search”…NOW. Oh bluddy hell, look at this mess.

Google Press Center: Zeitgeist

The measure, the top priority of the National Rifle Association in Florida this year, passed the House 94-20 on Tuesday. It had already passed the Senate.

Czetlic Girl and I had this to say on the subject.

SB:He drunkenly swung at me so I shot him in the face. It was self-defense.
CG: I’m going to Florida to just shoot people. It’ll be fun. Wanna come?
SB: You bet. Let’s start with Jeb Bush.
CG: Excellent!
SB: There should be a rule. To get into the NRA, you have to take a bullet.

CNN.com – Florida to allow use of force even outside home – Apr 5, 2005