Czeltic Girl called me a cynic today in an IM, so I thought I would put that to the test.

In your face, Madame Czelt! Have fun in Prague, when you go.

This kid got $25,000. Meanwhile, I can’t pay my rent. God bless America.

Before you start with me, Alice, look at the kid. He is obviously latching onto political ideals, writing “rebel” work against “society” all while getting the added benefit of being the kid in high school who gets blown by all the art chicks. “Society and advertising are taking people’s money and dumbing them down. Check out my Ashton Kutcher hair!”

When you’re making a statement against society, you can’t make it this vague Chtulhu-esque creature. You need to have something more specific. You’re right, but you’re not original and MSN gave you that money because you’re the safest of all the people with that idea.

Maybe, MAYBE his heart is in the right place. And if so, I cannot deny him his oral pleasures from the dyed-hair hotties. And his idea is not a bad one. But people I knew in high school turned all their classes into critical thinking classes. You can do critical thinking in History, in English, in Calculus (created by a philosopher) if you’re so interested in doing so; teachers eat that shit up. What this kid wants is a *bullshit* class where he can continue to push on the more intellectually advanced (but more importantly shapely and nubile) the image that he is above it all, while getting a credit for skipping Trig.

Not to mention that you can use school time to educate yourself and use your after-school shopping and video game time to discuss politics, economics, philosophy, and whatnot with your friends, your family, your co-workers and fellow students. That is, if you’re really all about that.

Sorry to be jaded, but no matter how opinionated, astute, and selfless you may have been in high school, fellas, you and I both know your main motivation was to get someone else’s hands on your stuff and vice versa.

There’s an idea for you, VISA. Where’s my 25K?

MHG and I had our anniversary last Friday night at the Mitch Hedberg/Stephen Lynch extravaganza. The comedy was divine. I have one complaint.

Folks, as funny as tried-and-true five-liners are, I pay to hear new material. If you want to hear a specific joke, listen to the CD. Hedberg’s not a lounge singer and he is not your personal jester. Strangely, Stephen Lynch, who sings SONGS, received no requests. And during his ComedySportz-style improv section, people requested things already requested by audience members on his CD.

If you want to have the same entertainment regurgitated to you repeatedly, do not go to concerts. Just play the MP3 over and over again until your brain melts. Please. For all our sakes.

To continue my night of the living braindead, MHG took me out for dessert where we had the misfortune of sitting across from a foursome of twenty-somethings whose conversations were so disgustingly and laugably stereotypical that I could only use David Cross’ words to describe them when MHG returned to the table: “Rich, giggling cunts.” Four Paris Hilton clones yammering on about their bosses who won’t let them play Beyoncé and “Justin” over the stereo. Good on you, you unseen bosses.

One was even wearing a t-shirt proclaiming herself “Mrs. Timberlake.” Mind you, these were grown women sipping cocktails, women whose vaginas have no doubt been excavated by the most neanderthal of Corvette-drivers. I repeat some modern wisdom: “Do you sleep with 12-year-olds? Then why do you listen to their music?” God, this country deserves Bush.

Link via Keiko, who also revamps her website.

Some high school glamour photographers just get uppity. Airbrushing out pimples is not art, no matter how hard you try.

Thankfully, I only had the headshot from the yearbook to pass out, though the predominance of my long hair, or indeed the presence of ANY hair, has confused many an observer.

Some faves for the link-lazy: Most likely to be “ready for some football”, Most likely to marry Ted Danson, Most likely to fill a ringer with her whites.

Thanks to MEGA-Chad for the link.

First, some trailers for everday life. Guess where I got the link from? I’ll give you three tries. Damn. Yes, it was Czeltic Girl.

Second, let me just say that I like adventure. I know that Temple of Doom was the worst of the Indiana Jones movies; so horrible, in fact, as to make purchasing the 3-DVD pack a bit of a gamble. I still enjoy watching it.

In that light, Sinbad is quite good. It has an epic scale with characters that are straight out of legend: unstoppable swordfighters, a spidery lookout, a good and noble king, and a goddess who delights in chaos. Each adventure within the story seems like a mini-episode of a well-made animated television series. And although the film suffers from Disney and Katzenberger’s touch for putting “everything” in the story, the tale is exciting enough to warrant some distractions.

Not that there weren’t mistakes made. Comic relief was already well-handled by the script and the peripheral characters. Anthropomorphizing a dog smacked of Jar-Jar Binks. Thankfully, the dog had a small part and was nearly forgettable, if unforgivable. Also, the strong female is fast becoming (if not already) a stock character that this movie could have done without. Sinbad eventually discovers in himself that he is more than just a thief, but a hero (Spoiler!) but the dynamicism would have been more effective if the viewer didn’t get the feeling that he “did it for a girl.”

Much like “The Time Machine” (the book) makes a bolder statement (than the movie) if the main character created the machine for his passionate devotion to science and progress and not simply to save the life of one person, Sinbad’s self-awareness is less about a personal awakening and more about getting with the girl of his dreams. This use of thrown-in romance as motivation cheapens the character’s ideals in too many movies. I’m all for love, and I think it can be a determining factor in a dynamic character’s epiphany, but not EVERY character does what they do for love. Even heroes sometimes have other ideals in mind.

For animation, it gets high marks. As is common now, they blended computer animation with old standards, though not as seamlessly as they could have. Although I’ve never been entirely comfortable with the animation style of Dreamworks, I must admit that they created some incredible effects with the goddess of chaos. Despite her feminine features, she seemed entirely inhuman, a being who twists reality around her like we would gesture with our hands. Bravo to the animators on that team.

This is not a high-concept, challenging film; however, it is an entertaining one.

Certainly, the most bizarre thing I’ve seen all day. Scroll down and watch the blatant and sexist advertising. I’m not very familiar with Fawlty Towers, I’ll admit, but if that is meant to be satire, I am left only confused. I did laugh; however, I do not know why.

Wanna know why I’m voting for Kerry?

A question: Why is it that when Clinton lied about getting a blowjob in the White House, which meant nothing to ANYone but the press, he was impeached? But when W lied about Iraq having ties with Al-Qaeda, developing Weapons of Mass Destruction, and housing enough wealth to rebuild without support from the U.S., we hear no such talk?

Is getting a blowjob and lying about it to save face somehow worse than killing 1000 young Americans and countless Iraqis in order to avenge your father and make your friends rich?

I’ll have to think that over.

Is it punk or is it puritanical?

On my walk into work from my car this morning, I passed a pickup truck parked near MIAD. It had two bumper stickers: “Marriage: One Man, One Woman” and (another that I will paraphrase because my memory is failing me) “Abortion: Two patients enter, only one comes out alive!”

Putting aside for the moment the Thunderdome tone of the second (which existed even outside of my paraphrase), my placid mood turned turgid upon reading these. This was not a rugged pickup truck covered in mud and confederate flags with a gun rack in the back, where stickers promoting such ignorance might be commonplace. No, this was a small Toyota pickup, clean, with still plenty of traction in the tires. The bumper stickers were even in perfect condition, not even showing signs of being in rain, much less hard conditions.

The truck was parked near MIAD, indicating that the owner was likely a student. How could an art student who benefits nothing from a Republican president be so misled? A speech by Governor (choke) Arnold Schwarzenegger at the Republican National Convention spells out what it means to be a Republican. The outright lies in this speech are so obvious to anyone with a brain, I’m surprised he was not booed off the stage. As handler of the 6th largest economy in the world, one should not accuse the people worried about it of being “girlie men” when their family cannot eat.

So, as the image of this pickup sunk in, I realized that this was the truest representation of the Republican party. I seriously considered bashing in the windows of the truck, just so that the wealthy white father of the young fool could help out a working class fellow. I had to swallow the instinct, however. I feel vindicated that I am not as bad as some of the more idiotic supporters of Bush in at least that regard.

Instead, let me paraphrase the Governator (a term I use not ironically, since Mr. Schwarzenegger is so fond of using his movies in his political dealings) and ask some questions that can clarify whether you are a Republican.

If you believe that government should be accountable to the (rich), not the (rich) to the government…then you are a Republican! If you believe a (heterosexual, white, dubiously-Christian male) should be treated as an individual, not as a member of an interest group… then you are a Republican! If you believe (the military) knows how to spend your money better than the government does… then you are a Republican! If you believe our educational system should be held accountable for the progress of our children (despite the fact that they are given no money or benefits) … then you are a Republican! If you believe this country, not the United Nations, is the best hope of democracy in the world … then you are a Republican! (I don’t need to touch that one) And, ladies and gentlemen …if you believe we must be fierce and relentless (and blind to logic) and terminate (Muslims, and in Arnold’s case, Jews) … then you are a Republican!

There is another way you can tell you’re a Republican. You have (blind) faith in (oligarchies), (blind) faith in the resourcefulness of the (extremely rich to circumvent any and all laws for their own benefit) … and (blind) faith in the U.S. economy(‘s dependence on oil). To those critics who are so pessimistic about our economy, I say: “(Fuck you, asshole!)”

This is what we get. Elect Conan and watch him stick his fingers in his ears singing “la la la, Have faith in Krom; he will make the economy better!”

Huge thanks to Dynagirl for the links.

From Andrew Sullivan, a thinking conservative, the only type I can respect anymore (link stolen from tremble and proliferated here):

A SUPERB SPEECH: It was the second best speech I have ever heard George W. Bush give – intelligently packaged, deftly structured, strong and yet also revealing of the president’s obviously big heart. The speech writers deserve very high grades for pulling it off, to find a way to get the president to deal substantively with the domestic issues he is weak on and to soar once again on the imperatives of freedom in the Middle East. I will be very surprised if the president doesn’t get a major boost from the effort, and if his minuscule lead in the race begins to widen. In this way, the whole convention was a very mixed message – but also a very effective one. They presented a moderate face, while proposing the most hard-right platform ever put forward by a GOP convention. They smeared and slimed Kerry – last night with disgusting attacks on his sincerity, patriotism and integrity. And yet they managed to seem positive after tonight. That’s no easy feat. But they pulled it off. Some of this, I have to say, was Orwellian. When your convention pushes so many different messages, and is united with screaming chants of “U.S.A.”, and built around what was becoming almost a cult of the Great Leader, skeptical conservatives have reason to raise an eyebrow or two.

THE END OF CONSERVATISM: But conservatism as we have known it is now over. People like me who became conservatives because of the appeal of smaller government and more domestic freedom are now marginalized in a big-government party, bent on using the power of the state to direct people’s lives, give them meaning and protect them from all dangers. Just remember all that Bush promised last night: an astonishingly expensive bid to spend much more money to help people in ways that conservatives once abjured. He pledged to provide record levels of education funding, colleges and healthcare centers in poor towns, more Pell grants, seven million more affordable homes, expensive new HSAs, and a phenomenally expensive bid to reform the social security system. I look forward to someone adding it all up, but it’s easily in the trillions. And Bush’s astonishing achievement is to make the case for all this new spending, at a time of chronic debt (created in large part by his profligate party), while pegging his opponent as the “tax-and-spend” candidate. The chutzpah is amazing. At this point, however, it isn’t just chutzpah. It’s deception. To propose all this knowing full well that we cannot even begin to afford it is irresponsible in the deepest degree. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the only difference between Republicans and Democrats now is that the Bush Republicans believe in Big Insolvent Government and the Kerry Democrats believe in Big Solvent Government. By any measure, that makes Kerry – especially as he has endorsed the critical pay-as-you-go rule on domestic spending – easily the choice for fiscal conservatives. It was also jaw-dropping to hear this president speak about tax reform. Bush? He has done more to lard up the tax code with special breaks and new loopholes than any recent president. On this issue – on which I couldn’t agree more – I have to say I don’t believe him. Tax reform goes against the grain of everything this president has done so far. Why would he change now?

I have to say it: at any other time in history, when there has been such an obvious oligarchy in place, such a distinct and unjust separation of classes, such a clearly racist and elitist leader making changes against the will of his people – at those times, there has been outright revolution. Civil war is not far away if things continue under Bush’s reign.

How people whose children are dying so that Bush can push any agenda limiting freedoms and taxing them into poverty can chant USA and believe him to be the people’s president is beyond my ability to comprehend. I am not familiar with, nor tolerant of that high degree of ignorance.

And yet, the people most outraged by this president’s policies are also those who are all for peace. Where is Martin Luther King, Jr.? Where is Gandhi? When does our leader appear, a citizen brave enough to stand before a government that will gladly have him killed so they can make a little more money from oil and control over the public.

I fear for this country. And as the see-saw leans further toward Bush, I fear for the world.