5 Telltale signs your kids are trying to kill you.

Stolen without remorse from the inimitable Crash Davis, cased by Czelticgirl.

A co-worker of mine who clearly hates me and wants me to get fired introduced me this morning to Netflix on a two week free trial. I have rated 250 movies in my first hour of work and my queue already frightens me. Not just in quantity, but in quality of films.

“Yes, I do want to see Johnny English,” my brain says, “And Sinbad was probably underrated.” I hope the mail carrier isn’t a film major.

Netflix is, however, getting my eyes on some films I should have seen but was too lazy to actually rent. Why rent Waking Life or Ran or American Splendor, which might actually challenge me, when there stands the mighty Conan the Destroyer? I’ve only seen that 6 times after all.

I’ve added the fantastic Davezilla and some other new things to the sidebar. I’m not your slave, you know. Entertain yourself.

Also, this is about all I need to know about the Passion of Christ. And watching Monica Bellucci onscreen in ANYthing would explain why Christ was so passionate. How do you say “I’d like to say hello, but my tongue would try to jump into your crotch” in Aramaic?

..I post this here edited IM conversation I had with the Mighty Research Girl herself, Czelticgirl.

CG: I liked Mario ‘coz it was slow. And you could get extra lives really easily.
SB: Well, you can claim superiority there. I suck it up at that game to this day. I never got any extra lives.
CG: Oh, poo — I hope it’s not: http://www.nypost.com/news/regionalnews/20157.htm
SB: From the article, the evidence is pretty heavily in favor of the corpse being Mr. Gray.
CG: Yeah.
SB: Luckily, I know little to nothing about him.
CG: Look familiar?
http://www.artsandlectures.ucsb.edu/archive/2000-2001/perform/gray.htm
SB: Yes, but I’m not sure from where. I know I know him…
SB: He had a major role in a hard-core sex film,The Farmer’s Daughter he was billed under his own name and given extensive dialogue, making identification positiveeven though he later denied having appeared in the film.

–Special excerpt: I had no idea how that sounded until I just posted. I have not seen “The Farmers’ Daughter.” Still, that’s pretty damn funny. $50 says sales for that movie triple in light of his possible demise. It’s a sick world; I’m just trying to profit off it a little.

CG: Heh.
SB: Nickname: Spud or Spuddy.
CG: Now I know why he killed himself.
SB: You are going to hell.
CG: too harsh?
SB: Not for me, but I ain’t his mother.
SB: must have been rough enough growing up as “Spalding,” dontcha think?
CG: Oh, god. I can’t imagine. Cool when you’re older, but hell in grade school.
SB: People should be encouraged to change their names at 18. Get one name from your parents and pick one for yourself when you’re older. Sort of like Native American practices.
SB: Is Max Power taken?
CG: Hell yeah! But you know half the mindless sheeple would pick their favorite rock star’s name. ‘Coz in 1990, we needed 30,000 Axls.
SB: I want to be Beyonc?
CG: Can I be Snoop Dogg?
SB: You shouldn’t laugh at me.
SB: I don’t even think Snoop Dogg is Snoop Dogg.
CG: Fo shizzle.
SB: I believe he’s Calvin. Guess that leaves it open for you.
SB: Calvin Broadus. Who is 6’3″
CG: Dang.
SB: Oops. Birth name: Cordozar Broadus.
CG: Cordozar? Eep. Parents wanted a space ranger or Mexican outlaw, not a baby.
SB: Ah…That’s going on the blog.

Tada.

I was always pretty good at chemistry, making me a perfect candidate to be a Batman archnemesis, but Tim is far better.

This link is sponsored by the letter Czelticgirl and the number mefi.

Fantastically busy this week, what with Freezer Jam, building a drool-worthy speed machine for my father and siblings, and trying to actually earn my pay over at the old HD.

Forgive me if the blog suffers in the next few weeks. There will be two stories to tell, but when? It’s a mystery.