It rained last night. I haven’t been able to properly enjoy these storms, knowing that they officially qualify as a disaster, rather than simply in the minds of those who don’t appreciate precipitation. The effect has not been wonderful on my sinuses, either, so make sure you put that in your documentation (and smoke it), FEMA.
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Last night, I received some RAM I had ordered to speed up my old Frankenstein PC. On Tuesdays, some friends of mine who have been spread out across the country have been playing City of Heroes as an excuse to drink beer and shoot the shit online. My computer has been notably slower than the others, so I thought a little more RAM would be a cheap boost to the experience, particularly since it seemed to be Skype that was causing the issues.
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I called in yesterday and spent most of the day just being lazy. I did not attempt any projects. I did not work out. I took care of very little business. A part of me was glad of that, but I did feel twinges of guilt throughout the day. Then I went and played some board games with some former co-workers, now friends. Too often the subject turns to our former place of employment, which sadly did not do right by many of us. But the bitching ended in a quiet catharsis.
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I would never complain about this, but it’s very strange that lately jobs have been falling at my feet. A colleague of mine in a couple of shows now, Jackie, made mention of this at one point. She was mildly irritated and said something along the lines of “People just throw work at you.” I denied it at the time, but what in-roads I have made have evidently paid off (though without the “paid” part thus far.)
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I have not yet received my “economic stimulus” from the government, but I am assured by a surprisingly lithe IRS web site that it should be issued by the end of this week. I am one of the lucky people who gets the full amount of stimulus. Shiver in your seething jealousy, lesser citizens!

My personal political contribution to our failing economic state will be — predictably, unless you’re atlking about me — to put it in the bank. I have several things happening in August and September that are going to cost painful amounts of money. Rather than try to use the money I know I won’t be able to save, I intend instead to put money I don’t want or deserve toward that end.
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I did go to the CD release party. I missed the opening band who the posters informed me was called “Disguised by Birds” and Jason informed me that I would have liked. The second band, Test Site, was extremely loud and screamy, but pretty skilled in a speed metal sort of way. I enjoyed them, but my ears are still suffering a bit. 1956 closed strong with some songs from the new album. They also played my favorite song of theirs. I can never remember the title but the first lyrics are “She’s got lightning… in her eyes… don’t you?” Good stuff.
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Thinking about headshots, I played around a little bit with PhotoBooth, with the following result.

I had an audition with the artistic director of the Boulevard Theater in Bayview this past weekend. Because I am currently engaged in both my day job and that production of Carousel that I have been selling for the last couple of months, I really did not think I would have time to prep anything for the fellow, but he assured me over the phone that I should still take some time to come in and talk. After all, he repeated, this is an audition for the theater as much as it is for me. I liked that attitude and it certainly seemed to be more than lip service to that sort of ideal.

I sang a bit of the Soliloquy from Carousel for him, after we chatted for a few minutes. He was not forthcoming with specific feedback, not surprisingly; it is probably unbecoming of directors to be so. But he did ask me a question (one question?) for which I was not fully prepared. It was something along the lines of “Where are you going with this acting thing?”
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I was fortunate enough to win the lead in two shows in the upcoming months. The details follow:

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“Stay as Dead as You Are” – Detective Joe Mamet

South Milwaukee PAC
901 15th Avenue
South Milwaukee WI 53172

April 19th, 2008, 6:30p.m.

Tickets (with 3 course dinner) – $35 each.

Join SMPAC as they present their first annual Mystery Dinner Theatre Fundraiser. Tickets are $35, which includes a 3-course meal of your choice. Call the Box Office at 414-766-5048 for more information.

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“Carousel” – Billy Bigelow

Sprague Theater
15 W. Walworth St.
Elkhorn, WI 53121

May 9, 10 & 11, 16 17 & 18, 2008
7:30p.m. Fridays & Saturdays
2:00p.m. Sundays

Tickets $12.

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I have attempted to spread the word about these two shows, mainly via posters, Facebook and mass emailings. But, the whole business makes me feel uncomfortable. While I will often posture, I mean it in jest. In truth, talking up myself or the projects with which I am involved, particularly when it is unsolicited, causes a sort of emotional twitch in me. But, I do consider it my duty as a part of the show to make its financial success match its aesthetic success.

That said, if you know anyone who can part with $35 for a 3-course dinner and entertainment, we could use to fill some more tables at the South Milwaukee PAC. Thank you in advance.

So, Tuesday’s rehearsal went by without major incident. We were practicing music, our Julie and me attempting to open emotionally in the music. My voice seemed all right, though not at 100%. But man, I could barely keep my breath consistent. Granted, I had not warmed up as much as I normally do, but there was some other obstacle I could feel keeping me from doing my best.

I think my voice works solely at my level of confidence. When I feel secure in my ability, it’s strong and, while not Broadway caliber, certainly passable for musical theater. That night, it reflected my self-doubt clearly. And this character has no such doubts, so the more I feel like I can’t perform up to snuff, the less I’m convincing in the role, and the more doubt I have, the worse I perform.

As a result, I can understand what it means to have a batting slump. But how to break the cycle? How does one feel confident, particularly early in the rehearsal cycle when the music still needs to be learned? It is at once the easiest and most difficult thing a person can do. That is: when it works, it’s such a pleasure it hardly seems like work, but when it doesn’t, it’s grueling and taxing.

Maybe I’m just coming to this realization late. It seems pretty obvious now that I’ve typed it all out. Anyway, I plan to suck it up and make it work, but for now I need to be prepared to be disappointed in myself, and have others disappointed in me. That sort of thing is just natural.